jueves, 4 de noviembre de 2010

There´s always one of us in these labs

That is the computer labs or crisols as they call them here. I guess it makes sense, but I always neet my fellow gringos in the computer labs.

So I´ve been struggling with my plans for next semester. I´m set on opting out of the program. I´ve spoken to the dad and stepmom, this may be a surprise to you mom as we haven´t been able to speak much.
But the more and more and more I see myself somewhere else next semester I feel great and the more and more and more I´m here in Santiago or thinking of school and all that I just get all tense and unhappy, so there´s no more obvious sign than that eh?
It´s not as though Chile´s awful, but at least Santiago specifically doesn´t inspire me. I could stick it out, but I don´t see any sense in that. I´ve now realized that I should´ve gone about this escape in a different way, independent of school, but that was the easy route. Now I take a likely more difficult road with really not a clear direction but already so many possiblities ahead. There´s so much I can do.
I´ve set my sights on Buenos Aires, specifically because of the BAFICI film festival in April. We´ll see at what level I can get involved but it´s possible I already have connections. Other than that the possiblities are endless as simple as teaching english in BA or somewhere else. I found an incredible program in the highlands of Ecuador. There´s a yoga retreat I can go and work with and experience. And plenty more.
It seems I should´ve have just gone with these ideas from the start beacause what I wanted was an escape from the vacuum of institutionalized education.
I´m Still Finishing! no worries there! As long as they don´t kick me out! And I am aware of the consequences, but it´s time to start meeting those. I think I might talk to my advisor today. There is precedent for this as I know a guy who left mid semester from the same program in France.
This is what I want and what I need. And something to distract me and keep me going. I´ve realized that a big part of this was escaping the life that was forming for me in SF, I suppose I was scared or something? But that is what I want. It wasn´t perfect but it was real. So now I´ll keep myself in the continent, get that Spanish down, meet great people, have great experiences. This is all possiblie I TELL MY SELF!!

And now, a few more writings inspired from the thought process of the last week or so.


Education Is

I see education as a gift
lessons learned from life experience
this regurgitating, ramble consuming
it works me to the point of disaffection
education should be voluntary
but in its current structures
it´s nothing but obstacles
This isn´t the real world
we´r just stuck in limbo
if the real world is there and waiting,
why stay behind and let opportunities slide.

To opt out is a dream
who would I be disappointing?
Not myself
Again comes that patience factor
look at this time to develop yourself?
Read those books and write and make friends.
But this education won´t allow it.

----- Clearly it doesn´t flow to well, because I´m still in doubt. Here we have a different state, lovelorn, life dissecting, dreaming. Not still sure if I´ve found it.

A Life Más Simple

My heart and soul
they reach for adventure
but what is more
than that of a simple life?

To make a life and share it
to travel and enjoy las cosas simples
just let it and it beomes
a savior for an empty life

To watch a movie or cook a meal
lay in bed and watch the rain
the slimpler things bring the most joy
and while an adventure
once and a while, to break the course
brings insight and wonder and spirit,
I look at a life with companion in hand
as one to hold for a life entera

AND HERE IS TODAY. I feel like I´m done questioning myself or at least getting there and so why not confront those questions with more questions. I like this one the most.

Why Not?

Why do you think so much
Why does it matter?
Why don´t you support your ideas
Why when it´s what you want
Why do you need to be happy
Why can´t it just be natural
Why are you so self-aware
Why are you not?
Why do you live in the head
Why not vacation outside
Why are others so important to you
Why reject yourself
Why do what makes you happy
Why write this on paper
Why not?

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