lunes, 1 de noviembre de 2010


So I´ve moved! Overall good decision, I think i was somehow feeling too much part of the group at the last house it was like a hostal, try to socialize everyone, etc. and the neigborhood was so dead.
I´m in barrio brasil a beautiful place which much more life yet I´m still kind of at a loss at what I´m doing here, but I´m just sitting with this mood at the moment, it´s natural of course and not the first time.
I´ve yet to reallye explore the neighborhood, maybe I´ll get out today and snap some pictures.

2 things to keep me going. A possible stepping stone as far as my career goes. We´ll see how my possible connections in Buenos Aires go, that´s something to look forward to.

I still am stuck in this rut of moving on from the past and now worrying about the future. I think I´ve made a step forward in sitting with myself, facing my sincerity. My landlord actually gave me a good lesson. I wasn´t feeling comfortable living there and all he told me was that If I really felt that way all I had to do was tell him. But that can be so hard for me.

So then I moved and a felt like myself again, and I´m still being sincere with myself or at least I think I am. My Zen bible is helping me with that spontaneous factor and not grasping to the ¨idea¨that I have of myself.
I´ve confronted my state with Ralphie and come to terms with my true feelings, at least I think. Even now I´m hesitant to write this as I imagine in my head that he´s reading this and that say I still miss him and love him would be manipulative, but for god sakes! It´s My BLOG! And those thoughts are only holding me back.
He´s given me one thing to respond to and that is to leave him be, so I´ll wait until that day. All I need now is to find a comfortable space and be okay with that. I feel as though I´m close. Just let it be yes?

I´ve still got plenty of progress to make on my own. Self-discipline. Something all us youngins work on or at least I feel will do me good.

I now have a companion with the Ley Seca. That is I really want to just have no sex. It´s messy and I´d be kidding myself that it has a lot to do with considering Ralphie, but I also want it to be more independently my decision. Sex has lost its importance to me and I want to respect myself a bit. I feel as discipline with only help me be more centered and confident in myself.
What else? Less alcohol, certainly and if I can help it solely beer. I feel as though others put me in a different state, or at least further from the sober one than beer.
Those are the 2 big ones, the others I refer to my journal.
3) Yoga Every Week, that is at least once a week. I´m consistently going 2-3 times a week, but I don´t want to be too strict because I´m allowing other things in life to happen. I also want to find a medium where I don´t become too dependent on it. I find that I feel amazing after yoga but it usually only sticks for one day. This needs to continue, that euphoria no worries attitude.
So with that comes 4) More meditation, possibly every day? I´m hesitant to say every day because I´m so bad at setting up routine, but at least that or some simple physical exercise everyday. It´s important to be close to the body, be aware of it and not be too high up in the head. I spend too much time in my thoughts.
5) Continue eating healthy. I´m still grabbing for chocolates and cookies and empanadas, etc. But I´m maintaining a healthy diet at least with the main meals. Let´s try for less impulse snacks shall we?

6) And yes, don´t contact Ralphie. It takes discipline, but I already feel a far more centered person and I hope that when that time comes I´ll be able to explain myself better to him because God knows I was a pile of confusion that only made things more difficult for a relationship. Clearly I wasn´t ready then and at least for now I can say I´m more ready than before. It´s amazing what a couple months with yourself can do for you. I wish my 21 yr old mind could´ve handled that sooner.


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